So I had an idea for a book to write. The basic idea is I write some flow-of-consciousness adventure, plunking down whatever I want as I think it up. The end result will hopefully be the worst book ever written.

Here's what I've typed up so far:

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Jake Fortune in: Jake's Fortune
by Jake Fortune
Editor: Jake Fortune
Dedicated to the ghost of Jake Fortune's mother Mama Fortune

I have a friend who was born with no arms or legs. One afternoon over cocktails he asked me what walking felt like and how the feat is accomplished. After several moments of careful consideration, I told him this:

Walking is the process of leaning forward on one foot until you lose your balance and begin to fall. You interrupt your fall with the leg that was previously in the air. From there, the next step (quite literally) is to shift all of your weight onto the foot that caught your fall, lean forward, and interrupt your fall with the opposite leg. You repeat these instructions until you get to where you need to go. Once your destination is reached, you are typically overcome with a sense of well-being and accomplishment unless your destination was someplace spooky. If your destination was someplace spooky, a sense of unease and sour stomach is experienced.

I was walking down the street in exactly this manner one afternoon with my dog Boo [Boo's method of walking differs from mine significantly because he has four legs. -Ed.] when I sensed something in the air.

That "something" was trouble.

"Do you feel that?" I whispered.

As if in response to my question, Boo tossed a brief and worried glance over his furry shoulder and said, "Yes I do, Jake," [To eliminate any confusion: Boo has learned the language of man but his voice can only be heard if you listen with your heart. That does not necessarily mean you have to be pure of heart to hear him (even though I am anyway). -Ed.] his dark eyes settling on mine, "I'm scared."

"Easy there, fella. Just keep your eyes peeled."


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Tomorrow I intend to start incorporating fleeting dream images, more long and stupid descriptions of mundane things, and more magical elements. Scraps of ideas I had today were a Ghost Dam, nuncocks (don't ask), and the phrase "If strong magic does not work, use stronger Karate." 

Let's see how this goes...